Some days, it creeps in quietly—usually right after asking your teen for the third time to take out the trash… and getting a grunt in return. Or maybe it’s seeing them glued to a screen while you’re drowning in dishes, or hearing them talk back with that mix of attitude and indifference that could win awards. You try to stay calm, but the frustration builds. Then comes the guilt: “Am I messing this up?”

Working from home while juggling tutoring, writing, and the million moving pieces of motherhood isn’t exactly light work. Throw in hemiplegia, and even asking for help around the house can turn into a whole mental obstacle course. When your teen ignores you, or the house feels like a mess you didn’t create, it’s easy to think you’re failing somehow.

But here’s something I’ve learned: feeling like a “bad” parent doesn’t mean you are one. It means you care. It means you’re showing up, even when the connection feels more like eye rolls than hugs.

This post is for the ones who wonder if they’re doing enough, who replay conversations they wish went differently, and who just need a little reminder that they’re not alone. We’ll talk about what to do when that guilt hits—and how to stop it from stealing your peace.

Because parenting is a messy mix of love, patience, boundaries, and a lot of deep breaths. And you’re doing better than you think.

Recognize That Feeling Like a ‘Bad’ Parent Is Normal

Let’s just get this out of the way: if you’ve ever closed the bedroom door and thought, “I’m the worst mother,” welcome to the club. You’re not broken—you’re just a parent with a pulse.

It’s easy to feel like you’re getting it wrong when your teenager answers you with one-word replies, spends hours buried in their phone, or treats reminders to do chores like personal attacks. You try to stay cool, but then you lose your temper. Or you give in just to avoid another argument. And when the house quiets down, the guilt moves in.

That guilt is a sign that you care deeply. It means you’re thinking about how your words and actions impact your child. And while it doesn’t feel great in the moment, it actually shows you’re trying, not coasting.

Even the calmest, most Pinterest-worthy mom you can imagine has probably muttered something under her breath after being ignored for the tenth time in one day.

You’re in the messy, honest middle of raising humans—ones who sometimes forget that you’re the parent, roll their eyes like it’s an Olympic sport, and still need your love more than they let on.

Take a breath. You’re doing better than that guilt wants you to believe.

Pause and Breathe Before Reacting

Easier said than done, right?

When your teen mumbles “wait lang” for the third time—or gives you that half-hearted nod while still glued to their phone—your brain can go from calm to “I’ve had enough” in seconds. And before you know it, you’re raising your voice or firing off a lecture that starts with, “When I was your age…”

Been there. Too many times. 🙄🙄🙄

But here’s what helps—even if just a little: pause.

That tiny pause before reacting? It’s a reset. A moment to stop the emotional train before it goes full speed toward regret. Just a few seconds of quiet—breathing in and out, grounding yourself, even mentally counting to five—can keep a tense moment from turning into a full-blown standoff.

Sometimes, I physically step away. I’ll say, “Give me a minute,” then head to the bedroom and let the comfort of my bed calm me down more than I’d like to admit. That space gives me time to think—Is this about them being disrespectful, or me being drained?

It doesn’t mean I ignore what happened or let them off the hook. It just means I’m choosing to respond instead of react. And when I manage to do that (not always, but sometimes), the entire tone of the conversation changes.

Teens are great at pushing buttons—but they’re still learning. And so are we. So don’t underestimate the power of a pause. It’s a small act that can make a big difference.

Shift the Definition of a ‘Good Parent’

Being a good parent doesn’t mean getting everything right. It doesn’t mean having the perfect response when your teen tests your limits, or handling every meltdown with calm wisdom and a gentle tone. Sometimes it means doing what you can on three hours of sleep, while reminding your kid (again) to wash the dishes or feed the dogs.

So maybe it’s time to change the definition.

A good parent keeps showing up. Even after a rough morning. Even after saying something they wish they hadn’t. A good parent owns their mistakes, hugs it out, and tries again. It’s not about being unshakably calm—it’s about being consistent, caring, and willing to grow alongside your child.

There are days when my house looks like a teen tornado passed through, and I feel like I’m repeating myself for the hundredth time. But then, without a single reminder, I see them cleaning the house until it’s sparkling and smelling divine. And just like that, the doubt softens. It’s in those unexpected moments, when they quietly step up, that I realize maybe I’m not doing so badly after all.

Your teen doesn’t need a flawless parent. They need one who’s real. One who keeps trying, keeps loving, and keeps showing them what that love looks like—even when it’s tired or frustrated.

Learn From the Moment Without Beating Yourself Up

It’s easy to replay the rough moments on a loop—especially the ones where you raised your voice, said something too sharp, or just walked away because you didn’t have the energy to deal. That guilt? It lingers. But guilt on its own doesn’t help unless you use it to learn, not punish yourself.

None of us were handed a manual for parenting teens who sigh dramatically when asked to do the dishes or push back on every little thing. We’re figuring it out in real-time, with laundry piles, deadlines, and dinner that needs defrosting.

So when a moment goes sideways, instead of diving headfirst into “I’m the worst” mode, try asking yourself:

• What was really going on here?
• Was I tired? Triggered? Overwhelmed?
• What could I try differently next time?

That shift—from guilt to curiosity—makes all the difference. It turns a bad moment into something you can grow from, instead of a reason to tear yourself down.

I’ve had nights where I replayed how I responded and thought, “Ugh, why did I go there?” But I’ve also learned that those same moments often lead to better ones. The next time, I might pause longer, soften my tone, or even start with a joke to break the tension.

You’re not supposed to have all the answers. You’re supposed to keep learning. That’s what growth looks like—and your kids are watching you do it.

Apologize and Repair With Your Child

Sitting down for a heart-to-heart apology? That isn’t my style. And honestly? That’s okay. Not every repair needs a dramatic “I’m sorry” moment under soft lighting and emotional music.

Sometimes, it’s just about showing up differently the next time.

When things get tense—like when I snap or get a little too sarcastic after asking them to clean for the fourth time—I don’t always give a big speech. But I might lighten up later, crack a joke, or offer them something I know they like. It’s my way of saying, “Hey, I was rough earlier, but I’m still here. We’re good.” It’s subtle, but it works for us.

And teens? They pick up on that energy. They notice the shift. They may not say much, but you can feel when the air clears.

That doesn’t mean I never apologize. If something really sits heavy, I’ll keep it simple: “I was too harsh earlier. That wasn’t fair.” No monologue. No overexplaining. Just enough to acknowledge it and move on.

Repairing is about reminding them that even when things get messy, the relationship stays strong. And sometimes, showing that strength without words is just as powerful.

Connect With Other Parents

Sometimes, the most comforting thing isn’t advice—it’s knowing someone else is in the same parenting season. Maybe their kid also forgot their chores, gave them attitude for asking twice, or left crumbs everywhere but in the trash. A quick chat with another parent who just gets it can be surprisingly healing.

And no, it doesn’t have to be deep. A funny meme, a message that says “You too?”, or a short vent over coffee can remind you that you’re not alone in this. I’ve had rough days where I didn’t need a solution—just someone to say, “Same here. Teens, right?”

When you talk to people walking a similar path, the guilt feels a little less heavy. You laugh, you relate, and you stop feeling like you’re the only one getting it wrong.

So reach out, even if just to swap stories. Parenting’s hard enough—don’t do it in isolation.

Get Help if the Feelings Linger

Some parenting days feel like a string of failures wrapped in guilt and second-guessing. If that feeling starts hanging around longer than it should—if it follows you into the quiet moments—it might be time to give yourself more than just a pep talk.

Getting help doesn’t have to mean diving into formal therapy right away (though it can be a game-changer). Sometimes it starts smaller—like talking to a trusted friend who won’t judge, or simply allowing yourself space to feel what you’ve been holding in.

For me, it’s rewatching Hi Bye, Mama or The Good Bad Mother. Those shows? They crack me open in all the right ways. I cry, not just for the characters, but for myself, for the mom I try to be, and for all the hard stuff I’ve quietly carried. It’s like pressing a reset button on my emotions.

Whatever your version of that release looks like—lean into it. Whether it’s journaling, prayer, long walks, or binge-watching stories that get you—it’s valid. It counts. And if that weight still lingers, please know you don’t have to carry it alone. There’s strength in saying, “I need a bit of support.”

Because even on the days you feel like you’re falling short, you’re still worthy of care.

Final Thoughts

Parenting isn’t about getting it right every time—it’s about staying in it, even when it’s messy and uncertain. No one has all the answers, and honestly, maybe we’re not supposed to.

So here’s a question to carry with you: What would happen if you gave yourself the same patience you give your child?

You don’t have to share it out loud—but if something in this post made you pause or nod quietly to yourself, you’re already not alone. And that counts for something.