Teaching isn’t always sunshine and smooth conversations. Sometimes, it’s awkward silences, forced smiles, or a student who just… won’t budge. If you’re an ESL tutor like me, especially working from home while juggling family life and another job, you’ve probably had at least one class that made you question your career choices.

I’ve been part of Rare Job for over a year now, squeezing in lessons between chores, writing, and figuring out what’s for dinner. I’ve met wonderful students who made me laugh and others who tested my patience in ways I didn’t know were possible. And they come in all shapes and sizes: kids who won’t speak, teens who clearly don’t want to be there, and adults who think they know better.

This post isn’t going to sugarcoat anything. It’s for every ESL tutor who’s ever felt dismissed, ignored, or drained after a class. Let’s talk about the real stuff. Why some students are difficult, how it affects us, and what we can actually do about it without losing our sanity.

Understanding Why Some Students Are Difficult

Not every student shows up to class excited and ready to learn. Some are sleepy. Some are shy. Others, honestly, would rather be doing anything else. And as a tutor, you’re left trying to connect with someone who’s giving you nothing but blank stares or cold replies.

But here’s the thing—most of the time, it’s not personal.

Some students are just tired. Others might be stressed out, especially if English lessons are squeezed in after a long day at school or work. I’ve had kids log in still wearing their school uniforms, slumped in their chairs with zero energy. I’ve also met adults who seem irritated from the get-go, like the lesson was more of a chore than a choice.

Then there’s the pressure. For many learners, especially in countries like Japan where academic and work expectations are intense, English lessons can feel like another performance. They worry about making mistakes, sounding silly, or being judged. So instead of trying, they shut down.

And let’s not forget cultural differences. What we see as “disinterest” could just be their way of showing discomfort or confusion. A lack of eye contact or minimal reaction isn’t always rude—it might be their way of staying polite or reserved.

Of course, there are students who genuinely come off as rude or dismissive. Maybe they interrupt you mid-sentence. Maybe they refuse to participate, roll their eyes, or respond with sarcasm. Yep, they exist. And while those moments sting, they’re rarely about you as a person or a teacher. Sometimes, they’re frustrated with themselves. Other times, they’re just having a bad day.

The sooner we stop blaming ourselves, the easier it gets to handle these tricky classes with patience—and maybe even a bit of humor.

Emotional Impact on Tutors

Difficult students don’t just make the class hard. They mess with your mood, too. You finish the lesson, close the tab, and sit there thinking, “Was it me? Did I do something wrong?” And if you’ve had back-to-back classes like that, the emotional weight starts piling up fast.

As a work-from-home mom, I’m used to juggling roles. One minute I’m explaining prepositions, the next I’m cooking lunch or settling a minor sibling argument. But when a student is cold or straight-up disrespectful, it sticks. It creeps into the rest of my day. Suddenly, I’m doubting my skills and replaying the entire lesson in my head like it was some failed audition.

It’s frustrating because we show up with the best intentions. We prepare, we smile, we give energy we don’t always have. And when it feels like that effort is being ignored or worse, rejected, it hits a nerve. Even seasoned tutors aren’t immune to that gut-punch feeling of, “What’s the point?”

Sometimes, we keep it bottled up because we think we’re supposed to be “used to it” by now. But it’s okay to admit it: tough students take a toll. You’re human. You’re allowed to feel drained, disappointed, or even discouraged. It doesn’t make you weak—it makes you real.

The trick is not letting those moments define your worth as a teacher. One bad class doesn’t erase the dozens of others where you made a student smile or helped them say a sentence they didn’t think they could. Those wins matter just as much—if not more.

Practical Ways To Handle Challenging Students

Every tutor has “that one class” they’ll never forget, and not for the best reasons. Maybe it’s a student who tests every ounce of your patience. Maybe it’s the feeling of doing everything right but still getting nowhere. Over time, you learn to adapt. Not perfectly, not always gracefully—but you figure out what works and what doesn’t.

Take this one guy I taught who clearly didn’t need the class. He grew up in the States, spoke better than most of my other students, and was only there because his company required it. Every question I asked was met with short, dismissive replies. He wasn’t rude, just… over it. In that case, I shifted gears. Instead of drilling him on basics, I asked about his hobbies, his opinions on real-world topics, and gave him space to steer the conversation. When students feel like the lesson fits them, they sometimes ease up.

Then there was this little boy who desperately wanted to read a news article that wasn’t even on our list anymore. It had been removed months ago, and no matter how gently I explained, the tears came—loud and non-stop. In moments like that, logic doesn’t help. What does help? Keeping your voice soft, redirecting their attention, and staying calm. I showed him another article with a similar topic and just rode the emotional wave with him.

Another time, I had a student who kept turning their camera on and off like it was a game. Every time I tried to teach, click—camera off. Then back on. Then off again. No matter how much I encouraged participation, the lesson was a solo act. I ended up using the chat box more and asked super short yes-or-no questions just to keep some kind of flow going.

And oh—the noise. I once taught a boy who couldn’t sit still. He kept hitting the desk, tapping things, dragging his chair… the sound echoed in my headset like a tiny construction site. I politely told him the sound was too loud, more than once. Still, he kept going. So I adjusted my mic sensitivity, shortened my instructions, and just focused on finishing the class without a headache. Sometimes, that’s the win.

And of course, there are the students who don’t want to be corrected—ever. Even if they pronounce “vegetable” like ve-gee-table, they’ll insist they’re right. In those cases, I try the “soft correction” trick: repeat what they said but model the correct pronunciation naturally in the flow. If that doesn’t work, I let it go. Arguing never helps.

At the end of the day, the goal isn’t to win a battle—it’s to survive the session with your sanity intact and, hopefully, help the student learn something, even just a little. Flexibility is your best friend. So is knowing when to push, and when to let things slide.

How To Respond to Disrespectful Behavior

Some students cross the line. They interrupt, mock corrections, make faces, or just outright ignore you. And when that happens, it’s hard not to take it personally, especially when you’re doing your best to keep things respectful and professional.

Now, here’s the truth most tutors eventually learn the hard way: you can’t control a student’s behavior, but you can control how you respond to it.

First rule? Don’t mirror their attitude. You’re the adult in the session, even if your student is older than you. When someone’s being rude or dismissive, it’s tempting to raise your voice, drop the cheerful tone, or give up halfway through the lesson. But staying calm—even if it’s forced calm—is key. Keep your tone neutral but firm. Short, clear reminders like “Let’s stay focused” or “We still have five minutes left, let’s make them count” can re-center the class without fueling the fire.

When the behavior is subtle but consistent—like sarcasm or side comments—it helps to redirect gently. I once had a student who rolled his eyes every time I corrected him. Not once, not twice—every single time. So I stopped pausing to correct every word. Instead, I waited until he finished speaking and said, “Great effort. Let’s quickly polish a few parts to make it sound even better.” Framing it that way took the edge off.

I’ve mostly taught Japanese students, and to be fair, they’re generally polite and respectful—even the quiet or uninterested ones. But I’ve heard stories from tutors in other countries where the disrespect is louder and more direct. Think students who talk over the teacher, snap in frustration, or throw sarcasm like it’s part of the lesson. In situations like that, it’s still important to set boundaries without losing your cool. A calm “Let’s speak respectfully, please” or “I’m here to help, not to argue” sends the message without escalating things. You’re not there to be anyone’s verbal punching bag.

And if nothing changes? Use your tools. Platforms like Rare Job often allow tutors to report inappropriate behavior. It’s not tattling—it’s protecting your time and your well-being. Just make sure to document the issue clearly and professionally.

You’re not being “too sensitive” for feeling off after a rough class. You’re human. And respecting your own boundaries as a tutor is just as important as teaching grammar or pronunciation.

Protecting Your Energy and Mental Health

Teaching from home already blurs a lot of boundaries. Your “classroom” is also your dining table, your breakroom is the kitchen sink, and your next class might start right after wiping off spaghetti sauce from your kid’s face. Now throw in a difficult student, and your emotional tank empties twice as fast.

That’s why protecting your energy is non-negotiable.

The first step? Don’t carry the class with you after it ends. As tempting as it is to replay what you could’ve said better or wonder why the student acted that way, it won’t help. When a lesson feels heavy, I close the tab, take a deep breath, and step away. Even five minutes of silence, a sip of coffee, or just stretching my legs can reset my brain before the next session.

It also helps to have a small post-class routine, especially after a frustrating one. Some tutors journal. Others play a song, light a scented candle, or message a fellow tutor just to vent. Personally, I talk to myself like I’m a co-worker in need of a pep talk: “That was rough, but you handled it. Now breathe and move on.”

Boundaries matter, too. Don’t say yes to every open slot. Don’t feel guilty for taking a break or blocking off a day just for rest. Teaching is emotional labor, and when you pretend it’s not, burnout creeps in fast. You can’t pour from an empty cup—especially when students are unknowingly poking holes in it.

And here’s something that took me a while to accept: It’s okay to feel upset. Feeling exhausted or annoyed doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. The key is not letting that one hard class define how you feel about yourself as a tutor.

At the end of the day, your well-being matters just as much as the student’s progress. Maybe even more.

Long-Term Strategies for Building Respect and Engagement

Some students are tough to teach, but that doesn’t mean you’re powerless. While not every class will be smooth sailing, there are ways to slowly steer things in a better direction over time. Think of it like planting tiny seeds of respect and connection. Some grow quickly, others take forever, and a few never sprout at all, but it’s still worth trying.

📖Start by setting the tone early.

The first few minutes of any class matter more than we realize. A warm smile, a simple “How was your day?”, or even a light joke can help ease tension, especially with new or hesitant students. You’re building trust. And trust opens the door for respect.

📖Be consistent.

Whether it’s the way you greet them, how you handle corrections, or the rhythm of your lessons, students respond better when they know what to expect. That predictability creates a sense of safety, especially for shy learners who feel anxious about making mistakes.

📖Make them feel seen.

If a student lights up when talking about animals, bring in pet-related topics. If they seem tired, offer a choice: “Would you like to practice conversation today or go over a short article?” Giving them small decisions makes them feel more in control, and that can shift their attitude completely.

📖 Keep a toolbox of backup activities.

Not every student will engage with your usual plan. Have a few go-to conversation starters, games, or short readings you can pull out when things stall. Over time, you’ll notice what works and what doesn’t for each type of student.

📖 Model the behavior you want.

Speak respectfully, even when you’re frustrated. Stay patient when they push back. It’s not about being a doormat—it’s about showing them how a respectful learning environment feels. Some students pick up on that, even if it takes time.

Will it work for everyone? No. But for many, a little consistency, patience, and creativity can flip the script. The student who once avoided eye contact might start smiling more. The one who barely spoke might crack a joke or try a longer sentence. Those small shifts? They’re signs you’re making progress, even if it doesn’t happen overnight.

Final Thoughts

Every tutor has their “why”—and on tough days, it helps to remember it. Maybe it’s the joy of seeing a student finally understand something. Maybe it’s the quiet pride that comes from showing up, lesson after lesson, even when it’s hard. Maybe it’s being able to help pay the bills every month. Whatever it is, hold on to that.

You won’t always get the perfect class, but you can always choose how you show up for it.

Have you ever had a student who challenged you more than you expected? What did you learn from it?