I was supposed to post this in time for Mother’s Day, but I was busy baking and fulfilling orders for Kali’s Kitchen. However, a week later, while I was already working on it, I accidentally and foolishly pressed something (probably the backspace key multiple times) that deleted all my work! Aaargh… can you believe it? So here I am starting over again and leaving it up to fate.

The very first K-drama or Korean Drama I ever watched was CLOY or Crash Landing on You, and I loved it! I never enjoyed watching something with subtitles before, but this series changed my opinion. However, I’m not here to discuss CLOY. I first learned about HBM from a Facebook friend (Hi Jenesis!) when she posted a quote from an episode, and it intrigued me. It was on a day when I was struggling as a mother, making decisions that felt wrong and speaking only negative words. I even questioned if I could quit. So I started watching HBM, and ever since then, my eyes have never been dry, and I often had to change my pillows due to frequent crying. As a tribute to what may be my favorite K-drama, I have compiled my favorite quotes from the first to the last episode. SPOILER ALERT! If you plan on watching HBM, stop reading here and come back after you have finished it.

Episode 1: Life is Full of Unpredictable Surprises

Yuri:”It took us only three seconds to see  each other and fall in love. Love approached us at an unexpected moment pretending to be  something  ordinary. As if mocking that short moment our love lasted years. During that long time together we believed that our destiny was invincible.”

“Forever” – this is what everyone wishes for when they fall in love. Who wouldn’t? But honestly, there is no forever. Call me bitter, call me disillusioned, but forever does not exist. Death intervenes, sometimes in our old age, often in a hospital bed surrounded by machines, or in the worst cases, through unexpected accidents. In Yuri’s case, it was a terrible car accident caused by an irresponsible pedestrian.

Episode 2: Forgotten Season

Gang Hwa: “Everyone passes through a tunnel of darkness in life. A long tunnel that makes you think that you may never see light again. But as there are no tunnels without exits, there is no eternal love or eternal pain in this world”

When Yuri died, Gang Hwa, her husband, was devastated to the point of considering ending his own life to be with Yuri in the afterlife. He suffered from PTSD and was unable to fulfill his role as a Cardiothoracic Surgeon. He even asked his in-laws to take his daughter, but they declined because they believed Seo-Woo, their grandchild, was Gang Hwa’s only hope for survival. He continued to blame himself and cry every day for the loss of his wife. However, God watches over us from above and knows exactly what we need to find light again. In Gang Hwa’s case, it was the arrival of Min Jeong in his life that brought him back to the light. In our own lives, we face trials and challenges that sometimes make us feel hopeless. But we must remember that every tunnel has an exit. Imagine yourself simply passing through these challenges, and eventually, everything will turn out for the better, leading you to the light at the end. Here’s a difficult question: If you were to die young, would you be open to the idea of allowing your spouse to remarry? I believe it would be selfish to deny this possibility to your partner. When you’re the one left behind, it’s natural to want someone to lean on, to be there for you, and to help ease your worries. You would want a companion to grow old with. And that doesn’t mean you don’t love your deceased partner. But that’s just my perspective. What about you?

Episode 3: Realizing the Beauty of Life is only Possible After Death

Hyeon Jeong: “You can’t expect a guy to sit down to pee when he’s peed standing up his whole life.”

One of my favorite characters in this series is Yuri’s best friend, Hyeon Jeong. She’s the type of friend who never minces words and would say things to your face, even if they hurt, just so you can wake up from your stupor. Everyone needs a friend like Hyeon Jeong. We don’t need people who always agree with everything we say or friends who never run out of compliments. In the world we live in now, we need real friends who will laugh with us and even laugh at us when we make mistakes. Friends who will protect us from harm and listen to us tirelessly, even in the early hours of the morning.

Episode 4: There is Nothing That Won’t Happen to Me.

Yuri: ” Nobody is born with the knowledge of their final day in this world. Countless deaths pass us by in life, but if it isn’t happening to me now it is considered to be someone else’s  heartbreaking drama. The main character of a heartbreaking drama could be my mother, could be my father, or me. In this unpredictable world, there is nothing that won’t happen to me.”

Do you ever wonder when you’re watching the evening news and something really horrible pops up, like a heartbreaking tragedy, and you clutch your heart and tell yourself, “No, that won’t happen to me”? Or do you suddenly knock on wood and silently pray to spare yourself and your family from such misfortune? Accidents happen all the time, even if you’re the most careful driver out there, but there are always reckless drivers on the road, so you are never completely safe. And that’s the biggest irony of life. Instead of leaving our lives to fate, maybe it’s better if we open our minds to the idea that anything can happen to us at any time, and we need to be prepared to leave at any moment, just in case. So let’s ask ourselves every day: Have I done something good today, enough for me to be granted entry into heaven? Or if I were to die today, would my family be proud of me?

Episode 5: Every Moment When Chance Turns into Fate

Min Jeong: ” There are some moments when a small coincidence  you experience grows into a huge thing called fate. That kind of fate could change back into a small coincidence. Coincidence was already making itself bigger and bigger  unbeknownst to me.

Min Jeong is Gang Hwa’s second wife, whom he met while drowning himself in alcohol, with Soju.

I don’t know why I had to put a picture of Soju here. Maybe because this quarantine has made a lot of us desperate for alcohol! And I love Soju! with Yakult! And  I often wonder why almost all K-drama  shows them drinking Soju. Do you know why?

Min Jeong knew Gang Hwa  as far back as their university years. She is actually quite smitten with Gang Hwa but he only has eyes for Yuri. When Yuri died from the accident and after giving birth to Seo-Woo. It was Min Jeong who was the nurse -on-duty  and who first held  Seo-Woo in her arms, not knowing that  this child would in the future call her ‘eomma” or mother.

Episode 6: Even in the face of Death Family is Still My Number 1

Yuri: “I thought death was just about leaving this life after making the most of the time God has given me. But I realized this after my death: My life was not entirely mine.

I have a little confession to make, Right after I had the stroke, of course I felt helpless, I felt that everything was pointless. I can’t walk, I can’t  do the normal things I used to do. I look distorted, askewed. I often had suicidal thoughts. But my family would always be there to support me and show their love in abundance that those thoughts permanently took a backseat. Back then, I didn’t realize what would happen to my family if they lose me, how would they feel and if they can cope from the loss. That is why they sI have a little confession to make. Right after I had the stroke, I felt helpless and thought everything was pointless. I couldn’t walk, couldn’t do the things I used to do. I looked distorted, askew. I often had suicidal thoughts. But my family was always there to support me and showered me with abundant love, which pushed those thoughts to the backseat. Back then, I didn’t realize what would happen to my family if they lost me and how they would cope with the loss. That’s why they say that people who commit suicide are the most selfish. They only think of their own suffering and dilemma. Once they die, the anguish their mother feels becomes irreversible. The loneliness and sorrow their children are left with are unimaginable. So, if you’re feeling hopeless and helpless at any given time, please talk to someone. You can reach out to me via Facebook Messenger at [Facebook link]. Alternatively, you can call the Manila Lifeline Centre at (02) 8969191 or 0917 854 9191, or Hopeline at (PLDT: (02) 804-4673, Globe: (0917) 558-4673, Toll-free for Globe/TM: 2919).

https://www.facebook.com/vrmgonzales

Or you may call this hotline:

Manila Lifeline Centre
Contact by: – Phone
Hotline: (02) 8969191
Hotline: Mobile phone: 0917 854 9191

Hopeline

Hopeline is a 24/7 suicide prevention and crisis support helpline in the Philippines.

PLDT: (02) 804-4673

Globe: (0917) 558-4673

Toll-free for Globe/TM: 2919

Episode 7: Where Flowers Bloom and Fall

Yuri: “Among  the countless people in the world, we build relationships with certain people and settle down. I was also blooming like a flower among the people I was surrounded with. I thought my flower had bloomed  firmly and strongly, but it disappeared too quickly.”

Oftentimes, we are startled by the news of a young person’s death. Someone who’s just beginning to climb the career ladder, someone who’s fit and healthy, and you’d think they’ll live forever. Someone so promising that you can’t help but shake your head in regret. Rico Yan comes to mind in this regard.

Rico Yan would have been 45 years old now if he hadn’t died from acute hemorrhagic pancreatitis 18 years ago. He was a graduate of De La Salle University, a sought-after print ad model, a spokesperson for the Department of Education, and one of the rising stars of ABS-CBN in 2002, as well as a pioneer of Star Magic. 90’s kids who now have their own kids or probably grandkids have surely asked themselves, “What if Rico Yan didn’t die?” Where would he be now? And we are left to wonder.

Episode 8: People Who Can’t Say Goodbye

Gye Geun-Sang: “A life enters deep into our lives then it suddenly leaves us. Laughing at the times we spent together that’s called parting. At this moment of parting someone will face the sorrow that’s pouring in as she faces in the reality. Some may turn a blind eye into the grief to protect themselves and to survive from this unbearable parting. However, turning a blind eye, the passing of time or all the other things you are trying cannot help you overcome this sadness. We could never possibly find a way to deal with goodbye.”

Of course, unless you have experienced it firsthand you really can’t say if you can find a way to deal with the loss of a loved one. The closest I came to this feeling is through the death of my maternal grandmother, Nanay Belen. She took care of  the 3 of us while also dealing with her junkie youngest son. She would cook the most delicious food and would bring us to places and would teach us the most important lessons in life. If not for her I wouldn’t have the memorable experience of riding the rusty, dilapidated trains of  PNR  bound for San Pedro, Laguna, I wouldn’t have the  valuable experience of marketing (pamamalengke) in Balintawak. I wouldn’t get the chance to see the old Rubberworld factory in Baesa, Novaliches, I wouldn’t be able to experience selling  boiled langka seeds  at the age of four in the smelly, dark alleys of Tondo, or ride the ordinary bus going to Balagtas, Bulacan. Nanay Belen  would often tell us stories of her childhood growing up during World War 2 and having experienced the occupation of the Japanese in Tondo. Nanay , like me has a terrible temper too, that’s why I’m thinking now if I got it from her. Because I remember back then we would get smacked on the leg with walis tambo if we don’t take our afternoon nap. The walis tambo would often leave a thick , pinkish latay on my leg  because of my stubbornness. But I don’t remember getting mad at her for doing that, it’s like  back then even if I cried buckets I would think that I got hit because I deserved it,  and because  I wasn’t exactly obedient. I don’t remember getting mad at her for a long time or what we Filipinos call “sama ng loob”.  But do it now to your kids tignan lang natin kung di yan mag dial sa Bantay Bata. Nanay was funny too without meaning to be. We would practically be rolling on the floor laughing  with her one liners. Like there was one afternoon  she was asking for something but we were busy watching Tom and Jerry on TV. She then said out loud “karton kayo ng karton! wala kayong ginawa kundi manood ng karton!”  Nanay died 20 years ago from Breast Cancer and until now I cry  when I remember her. I cry for longing, I cry because I miss her so much. But I’m also fortunate to have been able to tell her I love her and hug her tight  a few days before she died. We had an unbreakable bond, and even when she was sick back then, she would prepare a different food for me because I can’t eat anything malansa according to my derma. She would also still prepare my baon for work which I told her she need not do but would often times insist.  When Nanay died in, it was raining mad and we actually were expecting it cause she said “basa ang tutuli” nya kaya pag ililibing sya  siguradong bumabagyo, and true enough, it was raining so hard all of us were soaked to the skin in our all white ensemble. Our tears and howling were literally drowned by the rain. I would cry every single day for almost a year after her death .It’s like everything in the house reminded me of her. There were certain places in the house she would often make tambay at different times of the day, whether for coffee or for her much awaited yosi break. So each of those places have been a sad  reminder  of her existence, and eventually  her non-existence. But there came a time that I didn’t cry anymore. I didn’t know when was that. So I guess I don’t agree with what Geun-Sang  said, that we could never possibly find a way to deal with goodbyes. Or it could be different when you have lost a partner in life, that  I wouldn’t want to know.

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Episode 9:  Goodbye and Hello to your Light

Kim Pan-Seok: “I was born a human, but if I forget things I should be grateful for I won’t be a human anymore.”

Mr. Kim is one of the old ghosts at the Columbarium where Yuri’s ashes were laid to rest. His old boss’ ashes were also placed in the same Columbarium. In his previous life, Mr. Kim worked as a family driver and was very poor. His boss was an arrogant and demeaning person, but he was also generous to Mr. Kim and his family. When Mr. Kim’s young daughter fell seriously ill, it was his boss who helped them survive the ordeal by covering all the hospital expenses. So when the other ghosts began to question Mr. Kim’s unwavering loyalty to his boss despite the mistreatment, he explained that he was simply expressing gratitude, as it is an essential aspect of being human.

Episode 10: Your Place Where I Cannot Reach

Min Jeong : “Back then, I was  cocky enough  to think that there was nothing  I couldn’t achieve with effort and passion.  But there’s a place in life that I can’t achieve or reach with my efforts and enthusiasm alone. After a while I ended up knowing better than anyone else.

“To only get what you can seize” – most people won’t be up for this, but Min Jeong is. She embodies the modern-day martyr, the second wife. And I don’t think women like her exist anymore. There are more Lady Tremaines than Oh Min Jeongs in real life.

Episode 11: The Share of Life Given to Me.

Yuri: “Back then each day  arrived so naturally that I thought it was obvious for the next day to arrive. If I had known that the next day wouldn’t arrive ever again. I wouldn’t have let each precious day just pass by idly .”

Would you want to be informed of your last day on Earth? When I nearly died six years ago, I had no inkling of what was about to happen. Although I had been experiencing headaches throughout the year, I was unaware of the potential for a stroke. I never bothered to search online for information on the effects of prolonged migraines. I felt so healthy, practically invincible, which led me to continue with my daily routine. In the last two months of my normal life, I busied myself with managerial duties, covering shifts for more than 14 hours at the store, and even working double shifts (18 hours) to compensate for absences. I served as a mentor to future store managers, attending classes outside of Manila. I embarked on day trips to Cebu and Davao. I was a busy mother attending PTA meetings and fulfilling projects for my preschooler. I was an avid sports fan, enthusiastically cheering for the Tigers and Gilas Pilipinas. And when I say cheering, I don’t mean just raising my voice; my shouts could be heard from a distance of half a kilometer. I played the role of a stage mother to my Starbucks baby (Thirdie), providing guidance even when I felt it wasn’t truly necessary but was expected of me. I fulfilled my duties even while in excruciating pain because I detested failure. Of course, deep down, I knew Thirdie was destined for success. When we first spoke, I told myself, “This young man right here is the next Starbucks Coffee Ambassador.” And sure enough, seven months later, he achieved that title. But I digress. So, would you want to know your last day on Earth? Personally, I wouldn’t.

Episode 12: The Days I was Forgotten

Yuri: “I was dead anyway, I have no regrets. Only those who can’t give up anything have regrets. I’ve given up everything already, I have no regrets or lingering attachments.”

Living with regret is challenging. It keeps you up at night, unable to sleep. So when you have the opportunity, seize it. Do it! Tell the person you love that you love them. Forgive those who have wronged you. Take action now. Chase your dreams. Make that decision you’ve been contemplating for so long. Because if you don’t do it now, when will you? Perhaps in this era of COVID-19, many of us have said to ourselves, “I’m glad I did that before the lockdown.” But there are also many who regret not doing something simply because they didn’t anticipate this pandemic. I know a few parents who haven’t seen their children for more than two months because they live apart for economic reasons, and some of them regret

When I woke up this morning and I opened my Facebook the very first post I read was something shared by several friends, a heartbreaking  ordeal of a son who lost his mother last Saturday.  It was not a very ideal post to read so early in the morning but I’m glad I got to read it. let me share his story to you here:

Daniel’s story though extremely heartbreaking is the story of a relentless son. A son who moved mountains that I’m sure even if his mother died, he knew he did everything in his meager power for her, And I pray Daniel finds it in his heart to forgive himself and not beat himself up too much.And I also pray for his peace of mind and for the repose of his mother’s soul

Episode 13: A Story I Could Not See

Yuri: “It hurt, someone else was seeing the smile you used to only show me. And someone else was holding the hand that only I used to hold. And someone else was in the place I was supposed to be at. It hurt, but it hurt a million times more seeing you cry alone, you woke up alone, ate alone and watched Seo-Woo alone in an empty house without me. And you cried alone. That  hurt so much that I didn’t even get jealous of the other person. It broke my heart but strangely enough I felt so relieved. I only wanted one thing back then. I wanted you to put me behind you and go on with your life. So don’t blame yourself.”

This is probably the saddest quote of the entire series. When we visit a wake, we would often be told not to let even a single  drop of tear touch the glass panel of the coffin, cause if that happens  the soul won’t find eternal rest. But for the one left behind, what can be done to lessen the anguish? How can one move on? There’s an interesting article from The Guardian about how  can one widow grapple from the  loneliness and misunderstanding . And they also shared a very   fascinating statistic: Women are far more likely to be widowed and far less likely to remarry than men. Of the approximately 13 million bereaved spouses in America today, 11 million are women.

The article link here: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/oct/05/widows-women-bereavement-spouses

Episode 14: It’s Not Your Fault

Gang Hwa: ” I wish there was an emergency blinker for the bad luck that suddenly drops in. I can’t avoid the pain that’s about to rush in but I can prepare myself. But even if there’s a blinker, bad luck will never turn it on for us to notice it. So you don’t have to blame yourself for not seeing it coming.”

“Luck” – success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one’s own actions.

All the circumstances surrounding our successes and failures  are mostly  beyond our control, unless of course we manipulated it to be in our favor, and that kind of success will never be  pleasing. We can’t cheat our way to avoid death, Yes, we can get treatment for Cancer, chemotherapy can add another year or so in our life,  we can avoid COVID if we stay at home.

“Luck is the bastard child of fate and destiny”. I read  it today somewhere on the web and I quite get it. A few years back, I kind of accepted the fact that my state today, being a hemiplegic  is my destiny. I complained a little but eventually accepted it.I can’t do anything about it cause it’s bound to happen. While I was still a tiny blip in my mother’s womb and as I was slowly getting bigger inside  her tummy my brain was not forming properly. The arteries in my brain got tangled up for  some unfortunate  reason. That for the duration of my life it was starting to manifest through headaches, nausea which I easily dismissed. I can’t even recall how many times I fainted, rushed to the hospital for emergency reasons ( irregular heartbeat, sustained bruises when I fell down in the middle of the highway  while crossing, and others I can’t recall anymore. But I was lucky enough to have survived the bleed while others didn’t.  And according to one study: The mortality rate after intracranial hemorrhage from AVM rupture ranges from 12%–66.7% [1, 2], and 23%–40% of survivors have significant disability

So I guess I’m one lucky bastard 🙂

Episode 15: My Life’s Tomorrow

Yuri: ” I won’t take my place back. No, I can’t. I’ve never loved anyone more than I loved myself. It was the first time I had someone  who was more precious than myself. My daughter, our Seo-Woo.”

Yuri suddenly got zapped back into the Earth as a human after  roaming as a ghost for five years, flitting from place to place, her parent’s house, her  husband’s new house with her new wife and their child, her best friend’s bar and the Columbarium where her ashes were. Yuri, as a ghost, saw everything: her mother’s anguish, her husband’s loneliness and eventually happiness from meeting someone new, her best friend’s  emotional break down over her death,Min Jeong’s hard work over raising her daughter and her sacrifices  just to make sure Seo-Woo is well taken cared of. Yuri was given 49 days to live on Earth  and find her place back into her old life. If she can take her place back before the given time lapses, she can permanently be a human  and live the rest of her life with her family and friends.  But she didn’t want any of it. She can’t bear the fact that she’ll hurt Min Jeong badly knowing full well how much Min Jeong loves Gang Hwa. For Yuri, being able to spend time with them however short is already enough . And being given the chance to hug  her daughter is already a golden opportunity. She doesn’t want to be greedy.

Episode 16: Petals Fall, But the Flowers Endure.

I don’t know, but everytime I hear the OST  of Hi Bye, Mama! I would automatically tear up. I think it’s the only show I watch where I don’t press Skip Intro.

Yuri: ” Gang Hwa, Seo-Woo, when you go to heaven, God will ask you two questions. If you answer yes to both questions you can be reborn as a human in your next life. One question is “were you happy with your life?” The other question is “Were other people happy because of me?” Let’s be reborn as humans and meet again in the next life.”

After getting a nice and proper send off from her family and friends, Yuri was finally ready to leave. She was accompanied by Miss Mi Dong as she walked  the pavement  lined with petals of autumn towards the light that would bring her to heaven. It was a bittersweet ending but very apt. Yuri got her second chance after her life was snatched so hastily  away from her. I hope all of us can be given second  chances in life specially if we deserve it. I don’t know if I deserve mine, but I’m here now .